His Holy Love

When I originally heard the Lord ask me to create this blog I was uncertain if it was ever going to become of anything. It was a seed of faith that I paid the fees for the website and took the plunge. Several years later, and I have disciplined myself to one post a month. Originally, I thought I would at the very least have a few dozen people who would read the first few sentences before flipping to the next distraction. I thought at the very least my closest friends and family would read it. I was gravely mistaken. Humbly, I write to an audience of one. I never truly thought anyone would read my blog every time I wrote, but I never thought it would be one. Some things I did believe was that God was doing a good work through me and that if I continued to write my vision of Christ would become stronger, my relationship with Him would grow roots into the ground, and the glorious mysteries that he carries in His heart would somehow be shared with me ( as unworthy as I feel to ever get a glimpse into his heart). I realized as I continued to write each month that he did not want me to publicize this blog. That it was okay that it was he and I on this walk together. I have come to appreciate the solitude of my life, although there are moments the solitude seems more like loneliness than quiet time. While I have immediate family who loves me. I do not have a community of people who walk or build with me nor do I have social media to connect with the world. In this season, what has felt isolating and strangely dessert like has ironically bore small budding leaves that I hope one day bears great fruit in the heavens.

In Matthew 7:6 Christ warns, “Do not give what is holy to the dogs; or cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.” Christ was sharing with me not to share what is just or holy to those who do not appreciate it. Animals do not care about ethics and Christ is sharing that their is even a class of people who also cannot comprehend ethics nor care. I have learned that my voice is of value in the kingdom of heaven, although it may land on deaf ears on earth. I have learned that my love to know Him is a personal walk and that my purity and choice to live counter to culture is a true death to self that few will ever know. Who am I to be listened to, when the Messiah himself is still challenged and questioned as the King of Kings and Creator of us all. Who am I to desire to be accepted when my Lord and Savior is rejected to this day. Who am I to be loved when my own Lord and Savior was mocked and ridiculed and suffered a gruesome death on a cross. Who am I to have community? When my own Lord and Savior was denied by the very community he was born into? Who am I to desire to live a life without sorrow and pain? When my own Savior cried tears of blood on my behalf. My affections for Christ are so deeply ingrained in my being because I know no other love more infinitesimally beautiful and holy as His love. His sacrificial love for me has changed me and continues to mold me to be more like him. His love inspires my every movement.

I also believed that this blog would improve the expression of my faith through writing, and that I would grasp scripture in a new and profound way. I believed that Global God Encounters would eventually be my sacrificial ministry that would be carried to the Nations. I believed that this blog was a baby step to know the fullness of Global God Encounters, as a true mother to the Nations. The vision He shared with me was to gather and nurture his children with the true love of Christ in a thought provoking way. My hope was that a few lovely souls might gain a sliver of hope or feel inspired by the revelations God shares.

I have learned much so far, yet hunger for much more. For it is not only the revelation of the mysteries of heaven I yearn to know but it is in the powerful revelation of knowing who Christ is that I might have a better understanding of who I am. There is power in knowing your identity, especially in today’s world. It is in Christ that I have gained some level of semblance of what my definition of self could possibly be. The definition is still unsatisfying and still underdeveloped but each day I believe Christ shares a breadcrumb of the truth with me. It is Christ and self that are inextricably linked. Ostensibly he lives in me, and I live in Him. While He suffered and died on the cross, so too did each and every one of my sins and burdens. Religion was nailed to the tree. Pain was nailed to the tree. Confusion was nailed to the tree. Pain and suffering was nailed to the tree. Deep sorrow and remorse was nailed to the tree. Sin was nailed to the tree. This revelation opened my eyes to the wonder and awe of Christs sacrific. It has shown me that any burden I carry He too is willing enough to take it for me.

This level of love is confusing at first. It causes one to stop in their tracks and question so many things. So, here I sit in contemplation of my worth, my purpose, my faith, and my value. I question if I will be turned away at heavens gates. If the title of my blog is too big for such a lowly mediocre person as me. I sit and question if I see remotely clear or if my life is a mirage of outlines of substance that was formed from dust and water and will one day disintegrate to dust once again. I wonder how he could create me so simply yet with such complex intricate detail. I question where I belong because it feels like I belong to no one and no one belongs to me. I question why Christ would die for me, a tiny grain of sand. The answer is found only in his presence. The only relief I feel from life is in prayer, worship, and communion with Him. He takes delight in me and I often feel Christ enthrone center stage on my heart. My desire to be with him is stronger than to be with any human on the earth.

As I draw closer to Him my connection with others who live within the confines of the worlds standards is inexplicably impossible. The birds and the bees make more sense than humans to me. They have a circle of life, a process of doing things. Humans are complicated, destructive, and often say one thing but do the opposite. They lie, cheat, steal, pillage, take what does not belong to them, abuse, live double lives, and kill. Yet He still sees us as brilliant creation. We belong to Christ. We are the greatest creation and gift in the eyes of God. Let me repeat that sentence. We are the greatest creation and gift in the eyes of God. That means, even with the fall of man, and all of our flaws big and small, it never stopped nor will stop Christ from loving us, and for being with us. He came and taught us how to live, died for us, and then rose from the dead to be seated in heaven. It is on the journey of life, whether a Global God Encounter happens within my internal universe or the outside world, that His purpose of life from heaven to earth and earth to heaven is what I wish to seek and find. It is finding Jesus at the beginning and end of every moment I wish to find. It is the small and large things of life that give me the evidence that Christ created me in His likeness and image. If it is I that is good to Him, then perhaps one day I will see that good within myself as well. Until that time arrives, I will continue to seek Him in the quiet of my heart and soul, and pray that the world one day will open their hearts and souls to Him too.